Writing to Yourself

Medical Disclaimer

All content was created for informational purposes, only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. This course may contain health or medical-related materials or discussions regarding trauma, and dissociation. If you find these materials offensive, you may not want to continue. This content is provided on an as-is basis.

Dedication

This book is for all the children in the world of the past, present and future. May we create a place where all children are safe. May the children dream a better dream!

Preface

This small book contains a concise description of all the different types of writing I have used, to my great benefit, in the process of healing from being born into a sex cult, and from being groomed, blackmailed, tortured and psychologically attacked by a trafficking ring as a young adult. The most important element in the healing process is taking full, personal responsibility for our healing. That means looking at every aspect of our lives and beginning to slowly shift into new habits. I like to call habits, rituals. From my perspective, taking personal responsibility and shifting into new rituals are fundamental to the healing process.

All of us are familiar with a certain process. Whether we've had trauma that has greatly impacted us, or events that have hampered us in smaller ways, we have all had the experience of living as if from a third person perspective, in which we're actually watching ourselves experience some type of difficulty. This is dissociation, which is a coping mechanism. Coping mechanisms allow us, post-trauma, to survive and continue to operate in life.

Trauma can "freeze" us, if we are not able to compartmentalize: placing experiences on hold and putting them into a corner, "on pause." Dissociation is an incredibly important survival mechanism. It's a coping tool. Memories are stored in specific parts of the body. There may be different areas of the body that hold memories, in very much the way a scar on the body will hold memories of a previous physical trauma. The scar becomes the memory. Often, when we have a situation that requires dissociation, we'll take that big experience and condense it in a .zip file, creating the smallest package possible. We will then store it in a place, in the body, that doesn't impact us on a daily basis. Dissociation is not a mental illness; it actually shows great strength of character. It's not a weakness.

So, truly embracing these feelings, and understanding how important they've been to our healing process over the years, is one of the first steps in beginning to unfreeze and re-associate these separate parts of the self.

Let's discuss multimodal therapy. Basically, it is a variety of different forms of therapy: art therapy, and talk therapy. Essentially, anything that you find comforting, that you enjoy as a hobby, can become a type of therapy. We need to find therapies that address every part of our person. This includes parts of us at different ages and spaces in time, because all of our traumas happened to younger versions of ourselves. A lot of this work that we're describing is time-travel, back to the past, connecting the present self to the past.

Most importantly for us, integration is possible. I am not speaking about integration of the sort in which you no longer hold multiple points of view at once. I speak of integration that allows you to fully experience life, as you wish, when you wish. This basically means, you are in control. This possibility of integration is something that you must commit to. Now is the time to integrate!

You are a multifaceted being, and the journey to healing involves integrating all of the parts that are held separately, one scar after another scar, within the memory, the past self, namely, the inner child self. There are three other terms that are used to represent these different aspects of self: conscious, subconscious, and superconscious. Alternatively, body, mind, and soul. Success happens, and healing happens. We can find happiness, when we are able to bring the whole self together as one.

It is very important that you create a support team that includes healing professionals. That means bringing top therapists, alternative healing modality therapists, and other types of facilitators into your life. You needn't do all of these things at once. Instead, start with one at a time, creating new rituals as you go. This can be hard work. You need to provide space for yourself, as well as rest. Self-care is one of the most important aspects of healing.

Rituals that support your new epiphany are the most important keys. When we begin to truly engage in this work, the major realization that many of us have is, "I possess all the things that I need, to become the person I know I am inside." This is one of the most empowering moments in reality, when you have a connection between the mind, body and soul, and you say, "I am healing. I am going to heal. I'm going to continue to move forward into becoming the person I'm capable of being."

I was trafficked as a kid in a nomad, doomsday cult, called the Children of God. I left this group when I was 19 years old, with my two-week-old baby girl. In my first well-woman's appointment, the nurse stopped the interview and said, "I've never heard anybody with this crazy story that you're telling me, about living all over the world, and the things that you've experienced! You need to get into therapy." That day, I put her advice at the top of my to-do list. I've never regretted it. It's taken 25 years of study.

This book will offer you a glimpse into the rewards of creating a consistent writing practice that opens the two-way conversation between aspects of past, present and future selves. Use it as a guide to connecting the waking self to the dreaming self, the younger to the older, the happy to the sad, the human to the angel, and the dissociated self to the whole self.

Introduction

I was raised in the international cult that my parents joined. Cult leadership joined my parents in marriage, and I was born nine months later. My relationship with writing started very early in life, and I understood well that the written word came from the spoken word. My education was the King James Version of the Bible, and the transcribed spoken word of the cult leader, which was printed and published globally. The cult leader was my only educator. His every thought was expressed into words, penned onto paper, and made known to our cult as the "Word of God."

In my childhood, I realized that people became famous in the cult if they excelled in composing music and drawing art. Early on, I began to find my poetic voice. The cult was filled with artists of all kinds. I began to write, and I still have the poetry I wrote as a teenager.

When I began therapy at the age of 22, I started, with the encouragement of my therapist. My first journal entry in therapy came when I got news of a good friend's death. I was crushed. She was the one who took me to my first musical concert. She helped me find my first job. Her demise sent me into a crisis of existential depression. Furthermore, she was the first person I'd ever personally known to have died, and the impact was unexpected. At that moment, I decided that I was an atheist. I let go of everything I believed in, because I wasn't sure if the "truths" I learned from the cult were actually reliable. To uncover reality, I needed to begin again, from ground zero, with nothing: no faith, no spiritual practice, no understanding, and no doctrine about the afterlife.

I knew that my friend had to be somewhere, if she were no longer in her body. When I saw her in the casket, everything came into extreme focus. She looked very real, so much so that she had to still be somewhere. Thus, my first journal entry explored her death, segueing into my desire to really understand life, through therapy. My counselor gave me books to read, and I dutifully read them, taking notes on things I understood as well as those I did not. I also chronicled memories that did or didn't make sense. Additionally, I wrote poetry.

At the same time, I attended college. In Philosophy 101, I learned about Freud, Jung, and Western-based philosophical concepts that bled into certain aspects of Christianity. It made me remember my childhood education of memorizing the Bible. Some days, in the cult, I wasn't allowed to have breakfast until I was able to recite a Bible verse, especially when we were tasked with memorizing a whole chapter. Because of that Philosophy class, all of the words, knowledge, and wisdom I had learned by heart and committed to memory started flooding into my brain. I began building critical understandings that still influence my conceptions to this day. In my journal, I kept track of all of my new insights. I wrote to memorialize.

One year into therapy, I began a dream journal. This was another aspect I had been very familiar with since childhood. The cult leader was big on dictating his dreams, interpreting them, and sending them out to the entire international membership. I read the cult leader's dreams and interpretations my whole life. So, when I began studying a dream dictionary of my own, documenting my dreams while journaling, I took to it easily. It was "activated memory."

In the beginning of my therapy, I focused completely on my eating disorder. At that point, I had been suffering from it for over 15 years. The goal was to heal, so that I would not pass it on to my daughter. Thankfully, with an adult child now, I can say that I successfully accomplished that goal. The cycle stopped with me.

Eight or nine years later, I discovered the secret of focusing the mind and learning to use it as a tool to create what I wanted in life. I added affirmations such as, "I am going to heal," and, "I am going to become whole." I focused on projecting feelings that matched my words. These lessons added an entirely new layer to my writing, because I was recalling timelines of memories from my childhood trauma, and forging a deep understanding of the order in which things happened in my life.

Writing is a massive part of my manifestation process. Although the word "manifestation" is completely overused, it is the word that succinctly and most effectively describes the process of actualizing the self. It aptly summarizes the entire concept of using your thoughts and actions to move yourself into the next position in which you want to be.

Here's the really fun part. Let's return to the concept of dreams. When you've been writing down your dreams for a while, and reviewing your written work, you will begin to cross-reference and bring multiple ideas together. Sometimes a particular dream will start in the middle, one night, and yet the beginning of the dream will be revealed a few weeks later. Then, you'll discover that a dream you had three years ago was actually the end of the current dream's story. Therefore, the dream state does not move in a necessarily time-linear fashion.

I haven't completely explored this concept to my satisfaction, yet I truly believe we are going through a multiverse experience, and when our body is asleep, we explore! Our soul is very much awake, traveling and visiting and being active in a way that the body simply cannot travel. Thus, when we make space within our waking time, documenting our dream state, interpreting concepts, and defining our dreams within specific categories, our consciousness takes notice, even when we are sleeping.

Now, of course, when we're reading the entry, what we see is our future self communicating to our present self, which is currently our past self. I call this the "all-time experience," an understanding of the omnipresence of the soul, that, like water, can move into many different forms, shapes and presentations. If we take the time to document the journey of our waking and dreaming selves simultaneously, we will comprehend the nuance of our own story in a completely different and very magical way.

Of course, life always goes differently than we expect, and you have to allow yourself a generous amount of self-love and forgiveness if you don't quite meet the standards you've set. Yet, isn't that the beauty of life? We get to shift, change and evolve. This can assist and transform the healing process of generational trauma, as well as help you gain the strength you need to define your purpose.

Write to Heal and Excel

It can be a very exciting yet very private and eye-opening experience to discover how powerful you actually are, and how much of your mind you can expand and grow. Many times, these kinds of experiences are not to be shared with other people, yet they will strengthen your connection to yourself and help you understand your mission on the planet right now, as well as your purpose in regards to helping others. This is vital for any of us who desire to be healers and leaders in the world today, and to leave our legacy in stories.

When it comes to exercise strategies, you could be creating goals and lists. This is a map of the final destination of a goal, and working backwards, you're going to create a to-do list of step-by-step actions. You are actually creating a magical connection through time, a pattern through space, into right now, reaching into your past with memories and dreams, and reaching into your future with visions, desires, goals and accomplishments.

The different types of documentation and writing that we're going to talk about in this book are going to provide many ways to implement your own documentation process. You may also improve on the aspects of documentation that I will discuss. I suggest that you start first with the writing style you are most passionate about, and maybe with something you've already created. As you continue to explore your writing practice, you can tackle a brand-new writing style that feels a little bit out of your comfort zone, and work on developing a ritual around that.

Generational trauma is the core wound humanity has to face. Our ancestors' stories are nestled within our bodies today. Our bones and our blood is their memory, including their triggers. The beauty of this work is that when we heal and consciously choose to face our pain, we heal our family. We heal our futures. We heal for the children. It's a beautiful concept. Creating your written "living word," sets into motion changes that can be felt far into the distant future.

You may be wondering if this even relates to your personal experience. I can assure you that the process of dissociation is hardwired into our human DNA. You can also be sure that some of our ancestors experienced extreme trauma, from which they have dissociated. As science has taught us, memory can travel from generation to generation, through DNA. So, a particular ordeal that one of your ancestors lived through could become part of your hardwiring, and now could become a real hurdle in your daily life that you need to overcome. This DNA memory from ancestors can appear within you as a specific fear of something, or a specific feeling about money, power or love.

As I mentioned earlier, we can't remember every single thing that we think, visualize, or experience. However, when you write things down, you now have a way to remember. You are actually creating a magical connection through time, a pattern through space, into right now, and reaching into your past with memories and dreams. You are reaching into your future with visions, desires, goals and accomplishments. The written word becomes your living record — the thread that stitches all versions of yourself into one cohesive story.

This type of writing is magnificent for time travel, and is done for many smaller purposes, too. It may be for self-coaching, wherein you can see patterns and make connections that you would otherwise miss. It's impossible for us to remember our every thought. Yet, we have amazing moments of epiphany. The idea is to highlight and memorialize these awakenings, through documentation, for the future version of you that will need to be reminded of this information. Finding the time to document will be easier if you understand the rewards of the process.

One: becoming successful in healing trauma is magnificent, because you get to know yourself better and learn to unravel and unwind your story, with professional help. Two: through self-help, you become more aware of what you want for the future. Three: you become a friend to yourself and your experience of self-love can expand. Four: the documentation of your story serves as an outline for when you are ready to write your autobiography.

Three: you become a friend to yourself and your experience of self-love can expand. When you take care of yourself, your results will be quite rewarding. Self-care is one of the most important aspects of healing. You need to provide space for yourself, as well as rest. Allow yourself a generous amount of self-love and forgiveness if you don't quite meet the standards you've set. Yet, isn't that the beauty of life? We get to shift, change and evolve.

Five: you gain faith in your own spiritual strength and in your path. When you have the confirmation that you are indeed connecting with these other parts of self, you can establish two-way conversations with them. It's a way to communicate with the past, present and future simultaneously. That is when the magic of time-travel happens. When you can do this with the past, present and future versions of yourself, you create an incredibly well-rounded, holistic opinion of and relationship with yourself.

The longer you document, the deeper your story goes. You'll be able to cross-reference past events with things happening in the present, and begin to plot a path for the future. When you can look back at your documented entries and forward at your scripted goals, you begin to see the full arc — the map of your story emerging from the pages. This map becomes your most powerful tool for understanding where you came from and where you are going.

When you write something down and close the book, then open it months or years later, it's as though you are receiving a message from the past. Your younger self is communicating to your older self. In the same vein, when we dream, it may actually be a premonition. If we write it down and document it, and the dream comes true, we can confirm that what we received was a message from our future self to our current self. Writing opens a two-way channel between all versions of you.

Sadly, when we experience time in ways other than forward-moving motion, it is often due to trauma. Specifically, when we leave our body because of trauma, we create a third-person perspective, and that is dissociation. When you are experiencing an event and viewing it from a third-person perspective, time slows down, and it can feel like an out-of-body experience. You can actually develop amnesia around it, because it is so far outside of what you normally experience. Sometimes, you may find yourself looking in the mirror without recognizing yourself, or it may seem as if you're watching yourself in a movie.

Dissociation is not considered a mental disorder. Rather, it is a coping mechanism, designed to quarantine the part of you that experienced the trauma from the rest of the self, so that you, as a person, can continue living. The memory can be stored in a specific part of the body, and that can feel like a frozen numbness. In fact, the dissociation process actually shows strength of character, not weakness. Furthermore, when you use writing and documentation as a way to connect these multiple, dissociated parts of yourself, you will be able to address them, and the healing process can begin.

On the other hand, there may be events in your life that you actually don't recall, and never will, yet they may still have a great impact on you. If you begin to document your inner thoughts and apply the principles of ritual writing, you will develop a deep connection to your subconscious mind. Even if you don't remember times of true dissociation, if you will simply associate stories with dreams and desires, and with goals and things culled from conversations with family members, you will encourage a deeper connection to your memories.

Anchoring into your body, your emotional ability to feel and TRUST your feelings will allow you to see patterns — the spiral patterns that come from your ancestors. When you feel a trigger that you have written about, you will be able to draw, dot-to-dot, to complete the memory. Writing gives language to the parts of you that have been silent. When you put words on the page, the dissociated parts of self finally have somewhere to land, something to hold onto, a voice that the waking self can hear and respond to.

It's essential to understand that integration is possible. In addition, seeking professional help from talk therapists, or alternative therapy professionals, is strongly encouraged when you're addressing any type of trauma or dissociation. Integration is not about erasing the parts of you that have suffered — it is about welcoming them back into the wholeness of who you are. Each part that has been held separately carries wisdom. Integration means none of it is lost. All of it becomes yours again.

When it comes to the type of trauma I have experienced in my life, I am speaking about extreme dissociation. However, the same principles apply to someone who has had a fairly peaceful life, with perhaps a moderate level of trauma. When it comes to difficult experiences, mine cannot be compared to someone else's, because their pinnacle of trauma may be at a different level than mine. This doesn't mean that another's trauma is not a very difficult challenge for them. From their perspective, it could be an intense process that needs to be addressed with professional help, self-help and deep healing work.

Methods of Writing

As I mentioned, the easiest place to begin is with the method that resonates with you the most. Of course, eventually you'll want to implement all the steps and methods in this writing course. For starters, you can choose one of these three. The different types of documentation and writing in this book are going to provide many ways to implement your own documentation process.

You may also want to create a conducive ambience for your writing. For instance, set up a pretty desk where you can light a candle or incense, and turn on some music, if that helps you concentrate. Writing by hand is the best way to do this, because it gives you time to think about what you're saying. At the same time, you're also thinking ahead to the next things you're going to write. This technique nurtures the ability of your mind to think in a very specific way.

I suggest that you start first with the writing style you are most passionate about, and maybe with something you've already created. As a practice today, or as part of your writing ritual, use it to recount a previous story or chapter of your life. As you continue to explore your writing practice, you can tackle a brand-new writing style that feels a little bit out of your comfort zone, and work on developing a ritual around that.

Method 1: The Waking Journal — This involves connecting the waking self to the dreaming self. The Waking Journal is used to record your thoughts regarding things currently happening in your life. This can be a "Dear Diary" kind of story. Whatever method you choose to start with, make it a daily habit. This is the space of your life dreams; a journal where you can talk about updated goals, successes, failures and pains. You may write in full paragraphs or in bullet points. You could reflect on your personal growth, epiphanies, and notes that correlate to self-help books or discussions with your therapist.

Make sure to mark each entry with a date and time. This is incredibly important, especially when you start to cross-reference and go back into old forms of documentation. The date and time stamped on your journal entries will help you develop patterns and see the bigger picture. This is one of the reasons why it's so important to date and time-stamp every single journal entry that you add into your documentation process. When you have a premonition dream that becomes a reality, the date stamp will help you truly understand how dream journaling is time travel.

It's important to leave space between entries. For example, after writing a paragraph on a page, move to the next page to continue. This is so that you can update and write additional notes as you begin the cross-referencing process in the future. You will want to look back at entries, after weeks or months, and see if you have anything additional to say. This is the reason why you leave space in between your entries, so that you can update the original content with new pieces of information.

Another helpful technique, when you're telling stories or journaling about the day, is to draw stick figures, images, graphs, and little cartoon bubbles to represent what you're trying to express. If you are an artist (and even if you're not), it's fun to doodle and use a creative process in your lists. This is also a great place to use imagery — visual representation of your inner world bridges the gap between what words can say and what only images can show.

Method 3: Exercise Strategies — These strategies could be considered as a part of the waking self journaling process. You could be creating goals and lists. This is a map of the final destination of a goal, and working backwards, you're going to create a to-do list of step-by-step actions that need to be taken. It could be you, coaching yourself through the steps, with short, medium and long-term lists accompanied by timelines for future projects. A gratitude list is another great way you can apply the exercise strategies. It is an avenue to expand feelings of being grateful for all the wonderful progress you've made in your life.

Method 4: Creative, Non-Thinking, Nonlinear Writing — This could be described as free-flow, automatic writing wherein you don't worry about grammar, punctuation or thought. You simply start writing and let it flow. You could use a timer and give yourself, say, five minutes, to just pound out a whole bunch of information straight out of your mind. This non-linear approach allows parts of yourself that are usually silenced by logic to finally speak.

Method 5: Left Hand and Right Hand Process — In this writing process, if you're right-handed, you should write with your left hand to allow an inner aspect of yourself to express something, or a dissociated part of you to develop a clear handwriting style. Writing with your non-dominant hand bypasses the analytical mind and opens a direct channel to the subconscious, allowing parts of yourself that don't usually have a voice to speak clearly and without filter.

Method 6: Scripting Your Story — This form of writing involves composing text about a future you want to create with the goals you're making for yourself. It could be focused on what it feels like to complete and attain the goals that you're aiming for. Also, you could choose a specific topic and use word association and mind-mapping to go into detail about all of the different ways that this topic expresses itself in your mind. Write in the present tense, as if the future is already happening.

Method 2: The Dream Journal — Here, you will begin to delve into connecting to your subconscious. There are a few things you can do to create a ritual around dream journaling. One is to place a cup of water by your bed every night. Before sleeping, you set the intention that the water will record all your dreams into a memory, and in the morning, upon awakening, you're going to drink the water. In effect, you are figuratively drinking the memory of the dream, and this helps with the recollection process. If you're the type of person who wakes up in the middle of the night, make sure that you have a lamp by your bed and it's easy to access your journal.

Many people say, "I don't dream." The truth is, everybody dreams. Some are simply unable to recall their dreams. Many times, it's because they have not put an emphasis on remembering, but the more the dreaming side of you realizes that your waking self is paying attention, the more likely it is that you will remember your dreams. In the beginning, you may not remember your dreams. If this is the case, write the following: "I am paying attention. I am making a habit of writing in the morning and eventually, I will be writing my dreams into this journal." By doing this, you signal to your dream self that you are ready to listen.

In my philosophy class, when we were discussing Carl Jung and his description of the dream state, I also learned that there are many different types of dreams. Some are just completely unnecessary gibberish that will never be interpreted, while others are premonitions of things that will happen in the future. Some are memories of things that have happened in life. Others are symbolic, and should be interpreted with a dream dictionary to discern the metaphor which the mind is trying to unravel, exercise or untangle. The important thing to remember is that dreams can shift from one type into another, in the same dream cycle.

The first type is Symbolic and Abstract, wherein dream interpretation starts with your own intuition. After you have reviewed the dream, using your intuition to interpret what you think it meant, consult a dream dictionary for further reflection, depth, and a potential confirmation of your interpretation. Symbolic dreams will help you explore ways of handling events that you've possibly not encountered yet. They can also assist you in working out old wounds and storylines you might not have fully addressed in your waking state.

The second type of dream is the Replaying of Memories. This is very similar to working through old wounds; the distinction is that the dream replays events over and over. Each one may have new aspects or a different outcome, or they may all be exactly the same. These dreams can help you dig deeper into your feelings and experience growth around certain stories in your life. They may also enable you to discover parts of your memory that you have dissociated from, or stories you have hidden from yourself, because they are incredibly traumatic or painful for you to explore.

Sometimes, there really is no meaning to a dream. It may just be some wacky discombobulated information from recent days. Thus, you have to decide for yourself whether it's worth delving deeper, or simply regarding it as one of those weird dreams. Anxiety dreams often arise from the pressures of daily life and unresolved worries. Rather than interpreting them literally, they are an invitation to ask: what am I currently carrying that needs to be written out and released?

The third type of dream is Premonition. This type of dream foretells the future in a psychic way. Sometimes, these dreams can be scary, especially when they feel incredibly poignant and show some sad, dangerous or destructive future event. When you have a dream that is a premonition, it will come true in real life. You may not even remember the dream until it happens in reality. Unless, of course, you are dream journaling — then, obviously, you are going to have it written down in your journal. This is one of the reasons why it's so important to date and time-stamp every single journal entry.

Wish fulfillment dreams are the soul's way of showing you what you truly desire. These are the dreams in which you have already achieved the thing you long for most — the relationship, the home, the healing, the freedom. Rather than dismissing them as "just dreams," treat them as dispatches from your future self, showing you the destination so you can begin scripting your way there from your waking life.

The fourth type of dream is the Lucid Dream. This happens spontaneously, and I'm sure some of you have already experienced it. You know you're dreaming and you're trying to wake yourself up or make others aware of the fact that you're dreaming. With practice, however, you can make your lucid dreaming state last longer. You can make an agreement with your subconscious self that you are going to work together to stay in a lucid state, so that you may stay in it for an extended period. This allows time-travel further into the dream time space.

As you delve deeper into your dream journaling journey, you may get the opportunity to actually move into a lucid state, during a dream that is replaying a memory, and shift the story, changing it consciously, of your own accord. That will be a very exciting type of dream when you reach that point. Healing dreams are the ones in which something broken inside you is quietly being repaired — a reunion with a lost part of self, a release of an old wound, or a conversation with someone you needed to forgive.

A false awakening is when you dream that you have woken up, yet you are still inside the dream. These can be disorienting, but they are actually a doorway — a signal that your consciousness is becoming more aware of the boundary between the waking and dreaming states. When you document false awakenings in your journal, you begin to notice patterns: what happens just before them, what feelings they carry, and what they might be asking you to look at more clearly.

Nightmares are not enemies. They are the loudest voices in the dream field — the parts of self that have been waiting the longest to be heard. When you document a nightmare, you are doing an act of tremendous courage. You are saying: I see this, I am not running from it, I am bringing it into the light of the waking world where it can finally be named, witnessed, and healed through the written word.

Daydreams are the waking mind's version of the dream state — spontaneous visions, imaginings, and wanderings that arise without invitation. Do not dismiss them. They are the superconscious mind trying to communicate in the only window it has while you are awake. When a daydream visits you repeatedly, write it down. It is carrying a message about something your soul is reaching toward or working through.

Epic adventure dreams are the ones that feel like full lives lived in a single night — journeys through other worlds, battles, quests, and encounters with beings of great power. These are the soul's explorations of its own limitlessness. When you return from an epic dream, you are returning from a real journey. Write it down with as much detail as you can hold. These are the dreams that remind you: you are so much larger than this one lifetime.

Carl Jung spoke extensively about the collective unconscious — the shared field of archetypes, symbols, and stories that all of humanity draws from. When you dream of great floods, of fire, of serpents, of kings and queens, of births and deaths, you may be touching this collective field. These dreams are not only personal — they are ancestral, cultural, and universal. Document them carefully. They are the oldest part of you speaking.

Integrating Methods

I envision you having three books. The integrating process involves bringing all three books together and using them to facilitate a three-way conversation with your past, present and future self. When you combine all of your writing modalities — the waking journal, the dream journal, the exercise strategies, and the scripting — something alchemical begins to happen. The parts start speaking to each other. The story starts completing itself.

The First Book — This is your Wake and Dream book. One side is for writing in the daytime and the other is for your Dream Journal. It is a physical representation of one part of yourself being awake while the other part is asleep. Thus, one side of the book is for the waking self part and the other side is for the dreaming self part. As you go through the book, you'll come to a point in the middle where the book pages meet, and you will run out of space. Before that happens, you need to set aside time to review your past entries.

The Second Book — All of the exercise strategies that we talked about can be put onto a yellow legal pad. And that's your second book, which is essentially your scrap book for draft versions. It's the one that you use before you add the final copy into your third book. When it comes to exercise strategies, this could be done on a yellow pad of paper that is eventually thrown away, because a lot of these lists will be checked off, and then you'll move on to the final lists and processes.

The Third Book — The Epistle Edition — You can consider it as your edited and final version of a condensed storyline, containing the finalized concepts of decisions you've made or moments when you've felt that you've reached a deep level of epiphany. At this point, you're ready to do some type of release work, whether it's ritual, or an actual reaching out, confronting or making amends with people from your past. The Epistle Edition is not a place to scribble, and it can contain an integrated mix of all of the types of writing. This is the book that houses your complete thoughts.

I enjoy using astrological events at this point. Basically, there are things that happen all the time in the sky which are related to the 12 planets. The star constellations, comets and outer celestial bodies interface with our stories on a daily basis. When you follow these astrological movements, you become aware of such influences as those of a new moon, a full moon, a conjunction and a retrograde. Some astrological events are becoming well known, such as the Saturn Return which happens between the 28th and the 30th year in a person's life.

When you cross-reference astrological events with your personal Natal Chart, you can create future events, utilizing the planetary energy at the same time that you are going to perform a symbolic ceremony to reintegrate dissociated parts. If you're not familiar with how to run your personal Natal Chart, you can search for a Natal Birth Chart calculator on Google. Plug in your birth date, time and location, and you're going to get a full list of each planet's location at the moment you were born. Or, splurge and treat yourself to a professional astrological reading.

Read it and reinfuse your trust and faith in yourself that you are indeed capable of keeping promises to yourself and making good things happen. As you cross-reference, create, and co-create a concordance of different types of events, memories and dreams, the process will strengthen your connection to yourself at the highest levels of consciousness. When you look back at your entries with fresh eyes, you will see patterns you could not see before — connections between dreams, waking events, and the slow, steady arc of your healing.

The integrating process involves bringing all three books together and using them to facilitate a three-way conversation with your past, present and future self. In your Epistle Edition, you can document events that you choreograph, script and coordinate, in order to create a deep healing experience. When it comes to dissociation, for instance, you may discover parts of yourself that have names, or parts that want to be named, and events or rituals that must happen for the dissociated part to feel like it has been accepted and integrated into your whole person.

I'll give you an example from my own life. I was born when Chiron was in Aries. As I'm writing this book, Chiron is in Aries again. As an adult, I have been utilizing this energy to focus deeply on how my childhood wounds have impacted me, and how to turn this weakness into strength, so that I can develop a stronger core and a deeper sense of self. It's given me the opportunity to integrate many parts of myself that dissociated because of parental wounding. When you document your healing as it happens, you create a living record of your own transformation.

I created a small memorial to my inner child. I put a framed picture of myself on a table with flowers and circus peanuts, which I loved as a child. I lit a candle and wrote a mantra on a piece of paper, stating that these stories were not my fault and that my inner child was innocent. I stated that this aspect of me was ready to re-engage and trust myself. Build specific mantras and statements you can use in your ritual to help you reconnect to other parts of your past, present and future self. Your mantra should be written in your own words — it carries the most power when it comes from your own voice.

I did a ritual every evening, in which I lit the candle, read the mantra, did a body scan, and performed a deep meditation of expanding self-love, self-forgiveness and compassion. I expanded as much as I could, to reach back in time and bring that traumatized part of myself forward, knowing that it was now safe to be here. As you're writing it into its final version, light a candle, burn some incense, do some sound meditation, and have your crystals available. Prepare a beautiful, light snack that you can eat, or whatever else you need to do to make this space sacred.

Write exercise strategies in your yellow pad notebook that discuss future scripting, such as, "I see myself in 10 years, completely safe and satisfied that I have done hard work to heal. I have a loving relationship in my life. I have a settled home. It's a beautiful home. All of these wonderful things are happening for me because of all the hard work that I do." This is an example of a script that you can place in your Epistle Edition. Write in the present tense, feeling the emotion of the future as if it is already here.

It is essential to write in the Epistle Edition. And you must get deep into the emotion of it. Write in your best handwriting. Create something magical that you can go back to in the future, when you have actually manifested and created those things you wrote and spoke about. Read it and reinfuse your trust and faith in yourself that you are indeed capable of keeping promises to yourself and making good things happen. Be ready to soar!

A Commitment Ceremony

Consecrate a Commitment Ceremony and make a promise to yourself. Once you have decided it's time to begin working on your Epistle Edition, which is your final version, you should solidify the ritual process. The best way to start is to create a Commitment Ceremony for yourself, promising to continue to come back to your writing process for the purpose of healing. With your Epistle Edition, you are going to consecrate the actual book you'll write in. This means declaring a sacred statement formally dedicating it to a divine purpose.

The Commitment Ceremony is a process of promising your past, present and future self, or a marriage of self to self to self, in which you allow all of these different aspects of yourself, which may have been dissociated, into your current awareness and space. Now, they can develop a voice and integrate their strength into who you are today. Take their pain and heal it into wisdom and knowledge, so that you can move on and become a blessing to others.

The process of consecration involves committing this specific book to the intentions and manifestations that you are going to write in it, which are completely focused on healing yourself over time. It includes healing the generational trauma which you have been given the responsibility of alchemizing, and doing it for future generations as well as for your ancestors. Have your Epistle Edition present on the altar, and carry out an intentional binding, using a rope or cord. Everything you do on a physical level is symbolic of a spiritual or an emotional intention that you are willing into existence.

When I say ritual, I mean habit, as in a daily practice. The concept of ritual is about creating something that you're going to come back to over and over again. Ritual is the way humanity has evolved. We create rituals and we perform them repeatedly until some new epiphany comes into our awareness, compelling us to try something different. When we do, we achieve a different result. This creates an upgraded version of the ritual. Ritual works the same way in helping us reach for the next level in our personal growth.

The soul (a time traveler), the ID (ego) and the super ego are all in a vehicle called the Council of Self. These higher consciousness levels are alternately referred to as the Angelic Realm, the Higher Self, and the Light. Your future self is composed of your evolved self, your older self and your higher conscience. The higher conscience also relates to the Angelic side, the part that is in the spiritual realm. The present relates to the physical body, which resides in the 3D space, the NOW. It doesn't really matter what you decide to call them, yet it is essential to acknowledge them as the inheritance of your human body and soul.

Thus, the soul-braiding Commitment Ceremony is a promise to always return to the three parts of yourself. This is a promise in which you're going to hold yourself to the highest possible standard in regards to loving yourself. You can buy a ring to represent this promise. I personally love silver, for many reasons, but mainly because it is a strong and healthy, yet affordable metal, and it's connected to the subconscious through the moon, the Goddess/Female Aspect. For instance, your current self could be embodied in a valuable, talisman-like object, such as a ring or any piece of jewelry, or something that represents the success that you've achieved up to this point.

Choose a night that feels right to you. You could correlate it to an astrological event, something as simple as the new moon or a full moon. The altar you will create may include candles and burning incense. You can have music playing. It's really about setting the stage for you and all parts of your self, to really understand how serious you are about moving into this new aspect of self. It doesn't really matter what you decide to call them, yet it is essential to acknowledge all of the elements that signify all the different aspects of you.

Having a mirror present on your altar is also very important, because it allows you to look yourself in the eye when you make this promise to yourself. You can also consecrate this mirror, so that it becomes your magic mirror. Use it anytime you need to connect to the dissociated parts of yourself. This aspect of your journey is going to create an incredible bond that travels through space and time, and it will allow you to establish yourself as a witness to yourself: capable, worthy and strong enough to give yourself everything that you need.

You can begin the ritual with preparation, such as taking an Epsom salt bath with essential oils. You could perform a breathing exercise with deep, intentional breathing, to ground yourself into the experience. You may do a yoga routine or read a poem you wrote that speaks to this process. Preparation is not separate from the ritual — it is the first act of the ceremony, a signal to every part of yourself that something sacred is about to begin.

You can call on your angels, your ancestors, the elements of air, fire, water and earth, the cardinal directions of north, south, east and west. Summon all these things to create a microcosm that becomes the observer, as you intend. You've written all of this in the book, so you know exactly what to do. Everything you do on a physical level is symbolic of a spiritual or an emotional intention that you are willing into existence. The act of summoning is an act of sovereignty — you are claiming your right to call upon the full support of the universe.

All of your work in your Epistle Edition is done for self-healing. It is a journey of self-improvement and personal progress. A Commitment Ceremony demonstrates to all the different aspects of your self that you are going to make space for them, in order for you to engage with them. Doing this will allow other aspects of self (not stuck in forward-moving TIME) to observe the event. When you give one part of yourself attention, that part becomes the main focus and you're able to view a situation from an objective perspective. This is what you must focus on.

After you have completed the ritual, place the ring on your finger with a promise. Then sit quietly in a meditative state. Ground yourself into the awareness that you've now sent out a message through the universe, which will return to you in a multitude of ways, over and over, because you choose to continue to be the observer, as you heal. Silence is not empty — it is full of the response that is already on its way back to you.

You have the right, the ability, and the natural gift to tap into these parts of self, through writing. Thus, the soul-braiding Commitment Ceremony is a promise to always return to the three parts of yourself. This is a promise in which you're going to hold yourself to the highest possible standard in regards to loving yourself. Knowing that this has now taken place, you will want to visit the Epistle Edition with regularity, as information returns to you in crystalized ideas. You will gain new knowledge of things that you now have control over or are aware of.

In closing, thank you for your time and dedication to this journey with me. Healing must be viewed as a spiral path. Be kind to yourself. Know that you have all the time you need to heal. The vibration of loving yourself is the kindest emotion you can project. It creates a loving shield of protection that will cushion you and guide you into the highest versions of yourself. I look forward to hearing from you. In kindness and the spirit of healing everything.

A gratitude list is another great way you can apply the exercise strategies. It is an avenue to expand feelings of being grateful for all the wonderful progress you've made in your life. This can help you look back on what you've done so far, and help you realize that you have had a lot of success that you should be proud of. Gratitude is not a platitude — it is a vibrational tuning fork. When you write what you are grateful for, you signal to the universe the frequency you wish to continue receiving.

Another list you could do is a pro and con list when you're in the process of making decisions. In one column, write all the reasons why you should move forward with a particular decision, and in the other column, the reasons why you shouldn't. As you do the deep work of integration and ceremony, new boundaries will naturally emerge. These are not walls — they are the edges of your new self. Write them down. Make them visible. A boundary that lives only in the mind is fragile; a boundary written in your own hand becomes law.

The vibration of loving yourself is the kindest emotion you can project. It creates a loving shield of protection that will cushion you and guide you into the highest versions of yourself. Ground yourself into the awareness that you've now sent out a message through the universe, which will return to you in a multitude of ways. You are giving all of yourself the space to evolve through the dream-state, self-help reading, conversations with others, goal-setting, and everything else that we've talked about in this book. You are protected. You are whole. You are the destination.